all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
