did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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