honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
