Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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