I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
