I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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