I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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