i just google imaged poop.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
