Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
