I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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