My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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