i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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