i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
