I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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