Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
