is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
