A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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