I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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