everyone is single if you try hard enough
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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