he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
