I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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