You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
