Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.