You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.