Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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