I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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