Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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