Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize