Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
