i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My balls are so social today.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
