I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
