I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
