i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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