and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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