i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
