ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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