Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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