Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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