My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
