If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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