thus making me awesome and them whores
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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