her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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