She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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