she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
