I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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