Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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