woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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