I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
