You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
