Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I could make wine with my vomit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
