Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
