Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
