arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
