we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
