There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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