sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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