Say something about gay babies.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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