im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
