Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
