Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
