Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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