I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
