i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
