So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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