therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Damn victory sex feels great
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
