i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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