So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
