matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
