About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
