It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
