You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just made out with a guy for $7.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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