dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
