last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Randomize
