iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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