I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
